3.04.2010

serial worrier

I don't have cable. I read a lot of books. I do a lot of outside. But I've got a $15 entertainment budget each month that goes towards Netflix®. I know. How do I afford this rock and roll lifestyle?

My guilty pleasure is TV on DVD. Why guilty? Because my governor is broken when it comes to watching just one episode. I'm good if I stop at just one disc. Just one series.

Recently slaughtered Season 1 of Showtime's Dexter. "Slaughtered," she heartily guffawed. Brilliant premise: A man with a heart of gold is also a serial killer of ... serial killers. As with most Showtime shows, you find yourself rooting for the purveyor of bad behavior.

And if you're me, you become convinced that everyone is a serial killer.

I watched my mailman walking up the street a few days ago and by the time he got to my door I was in a full-tilt frenzy. About ten paces behind him there was a man following him, carrying an umbrella, wearing a poncho (clutching a weapon?). THE UMBRELLA KILLER! Turns out it was the mailman's supervisor ... clutching a clipboard ... also, I'm crazy.

Last night I spent half an hour accusing one of my best friends from college that he's got some serious serial killing traits. Wasn't quite sure what to do when he agreed with me, so we ended up writing our own show. Dexter meets Full House. He plays Uncle Joey, the Serial Killer.

I'm trying to cope with this insanity. To embrace all the serial killers around me.

So today, hoofing it back from a pleasant walk to the grocery store, I made the best of it when I was followed home by a serial killer dragging an empty Radio Flyer wagon. I predicted that he was homeless and that I'd offer him all my groceries in exchange for my life. And if that didn't work, I told myself that my entire body, even chopped up, wouldn't fit in said wagon. Look at me always finding the positive. It made my walk an even better, faster, freakier work-out. Serial killers: helping you achieve your target heart rate. Thanks!

I may need to put Disney's Gummi Bears in the queue. Yesterday.

Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere! High adventure that's beyond compare! They are the Gummi Bears!

8 comments:

Frazier's Family said...

I love Dexter. Though I think I've missed a season now...and we cancelled Netflix. It was too much pressure! :) I do miss it, though.

Jordo said...

how i love dex. aaron and i agreed that if we ever have a boy dog (or child?) his name would be dexter.

nothing like a little slaughtering and playing by the rules to get my juices going.

Anonymous said...

Wait until you get caught up on Dexter! This last season was a doozey!!

Kenny said...

Gummi Bears in Netflix queue = Definite Serial Killer behavior.

Meg said...

I bought Seasons 1-3 of Gummi Bears for Liam (ahem...for me) a few christmases ago. Yeah. I still love it.

Audrey said...

Gummi bears sound like a safe bet for a while. I hate that when you start to imagine that the world is filled with what you see on tv. (Why I avoid watching crime channels and the news.)

Brooke & Freeland said...

P to the S: BEST GIFT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you soo much! We got it in the mail yesterday and LOVE IT! Pictures were taken and will be posted for the world to see! Freeland & I were cracking up. Oh and Im pretty sure Freeland couldnt get over how incredible your handwriting is! - just a side note for you! Thank you friend!

Oh. Oh. Oh. and turns out our son is going to be a flamenco dancer! Who knew?! Glad we can just encourage him in that now & dont have to worry about figuring it out anymore!

Never Enough Food said...

I'm not sure how I found your blog but oh man can I relate to you. I was convinced our new neighbors were looters after a hurricane and would barely leave my house.

Also, I love the gummy bear theme song. It is on my Ipod :)